3rd time is a charm, right?

OK so we are going to try this for our 3rd and final time. We are going to change the plan up a bit this time in hopes for the best chances we can get. We are going to do the same drugs we have been using plus injections. There will be a lot more monitoring going on to make sure the drug does not overstimulate me. I will also gain weight and be VERY bloated - but I can stand that for this one time! I am sad this will be our last cycle and at the same time I am also ready to put this chapter behind us. While I understand that might be moving on with only one child, I know we are abundantly blessed with that beautiful life we brought into this world. Through this experience I have learned to hold my loved ones a little closer and understand the gift of EVERY life. It is a beautiful thing and something I don't ever want take for granted.

For those of my friends who are expecting (there seems to be a lot of you right now) - I am truly happy for you!! This is my journey and while I might not ever understand it, I would never be upset for my friends beautiful blessings. Please know that if at any time it is hard for me to handle, I will be forward and let you know... I only ask one thing of you. Enjoy each and every moment of your pregnancy and the life God has blessed you with!

*sigh* another negative

Well, today was test day. We went out of town this weekend so I actually forgot about it until I woke up this morning. I had a feeling it was going to be negative, and I was right. I guess because I thought it was and was expecting it I was not a let down as I thought. We will give the IUI one more try and then we are done. We will be a family of 3. I have no clue how this is going to end up but I know that I have got to make sure to let this go and leave God to do His work.

Ahhh Exercise!!

It has been a while since I have gotten out and done much. This medicine makes my system very sensitive and then makes me very tired. The weather was so nice out that I couldn't pass up the opportunity to walk with a friend last night. We went for a 2.25 mile walk with quite a few hills. I am feeling it today in my back side and abs. What a great feeling. It feels awesome to get in some girl time while doing something positive for myself at the same time.

I started using google pedometer a while back to make out routes to take. If you have never seen it before, check it out. As long as you are staying on the road, you can map out your route and it will calculate the distance for you.

Happy for the Weekend!!

I have been in meetings at work from 8-5... that makes for a long week!! I am excited for the beautiful weather we are expected to get, a relief from the heat. My DD is going to stay with MIL Saturday night while we go on a date!! Sunday we are going to a movie and dinner with our Church group. It will be a nice weekend which is exactly what I need!

Update

Well, everything went as expected Monday morning for the IUI. I resumed my normal day at work. Last month I had horrible cramping and this month that seems to have subsided. I had some cramping but nothing compared to last time. My muscles have been sore though. I almost feel as thought I am getting sick but I don't think I am. I am thankful that I feel more normal this time. When I don't feel well it is a constant reminder of what I am going through. I am ready to get past this point in my life but I know that can't happen until we go through all the steps.

Procedure Day

Today is the day of our IUI. For some reason I felt a little more prepared last time. I am not sure why though as I didn't do anything different. It feels like this time things are moving much faster... but I am sure after today time will stand still!! We are busy the next two weeks and again I am thankful for that! Again all your prayers and kind words are appreciated!!

Journal

Last week in my counseling session it was suggested that I start a daily journal to process through my feelings. For my 30th birthday, my friends all got me a journal and wrote wonderful things in the front. Yesterday for some reason was a tough day and as I was getting ready to journal I was flipping through some of the tings my friends wrote. This gave me such comfort to know I have people out there that care so much. I feel as though lately I haven't been a very good friend to be around as I am a little consumed with my own issues, and for that I apologize.

Today was our ultrasound. It looks as though doubling the medicine worked some. I will take my shot tomorrow and go in on Monday for our procedure. Things feel smoother this time around. I took my medicine at night to minimize the side effects. I felt that my head was more clear this time around too. We were able to mail order the medicine and have it delivered while Robert was working from home. So, all around this is getting better. We will now wait and see...

Moving forward

I just made my next appointment with my RE to start another round. As I got off the phone the weight of the situation hit me... there is a VERY real possibility that we might not ever have another baby. That is very hard for me to accept. I finally broke down and cried on DH last night. I know that I need to let him in but my fear is that when I face how I feel, I can't stop crying and there are days it is hard to function. It is easier for me to go on like nothing is bothering me then to face reality. After getting my negative test on Monday, I cried for a moment and then decided not to let this impact the time I have with the Daughter we are so very blessed to have.

We have decided to be more aggressive this time and so my drugs will be even stronger. While that scares me and I know it will take its toll on me, I need to know I gave it my all.

This has impacted ever single aspect of my life in a bigger way then I even want to admit. Most of all I do think it has made my relationship with God stronger. I wake up every morning and ask for His help and guidance to get me through the day... something I was not very good at. Knowing this is bigger then me, it is comforting to know I can lay this at his feet and He will take care of everything.