Negative

Well, the test was negative as I thought it would be. I haven't processed how I feel yet. I know this is not the end so I still need to be hopeful this will happen but right now that is hard to do. I am going to focus my energy this week in enjoying my time off and work on our next steps. Please pray for us that we are open to God's plan as we work through this.

Anticipation

So, I know I haven't updated in a while! I apologize to those who have been curious. I am not sure what to write other then it has been a long two weeks. I laid down today and cried at the anticipation of taking a pregnancy test tomorrow. I don't really feel pregnant so in my mind I already know the outcome. I know that we will continue this path for the next two months - and while that is hopeful, the drugs took their toll on me! I don't know if our daughter is feeling the excitment/tension but she keeps talking about wanting to be a big sister. I keep telling her that it is up to God and it might not be in our plan to have more children. She sighs and sadly says "I know". I am off work the next several days and doing nothing but spending time with our daughter. I feel I need to be close to her right now and savor every moment of her growing up. I just feel it is all going by too fast!! I will go to be shortly andticipating tomorrow...

Pain

Wednesday started off as a very normal day. I started feeling some pain in the early morning and by noon it was so bad that I didn't have an appetite. I finally decided to call the doctor after lunch to make sure there was nothing seriously wrong. I went in for some testing and found out I have a UTI. Now, I have only had one other in my life and it was caught very early. So, I had no idea they could cause this much pain!! I started on medication right away and am finally starting to feel better today... don't want to go through that again. Other then that, everything is normal. Because of all the fertility medicine, and now this that I am on, I try not to analyze any symptoms. The Good Lord has blessed me with plenty to do at work so I am not focused on the pending excitement/let down around the corner. So, thankfully this week has gone by fast.

I am excited for Father's Day!! I have worked for a few weeks to finalize my gift to my DH and hope he is going to love it as much as I do! Hope you all enjoy your weekends!

Hopeful

Hopeful is how I feel today. All of our numbers came back better then expected which is what has my hopes up. I feel like we are truly giving ourselves our best chance at having a baby. I am very crampy today and I think that is due to an extreme ovulation - which I can accept that. I am just trying to take it easy today. I have started a book and hope to spend my time reading in the next weeks to come to keep my mind from wondering too much. I am going to try to relax and let nature take its course and not try to disect every symptom I feel. So for now, it is life back to normal for a few weeks and then we will see what our next steps are.

Tired

Well, I didn't think I would be that nervous to give my self a shot but when it came down to it, I was!! It was not hard it was just the idea, but I was shocked that it didn't hurt. I was a little sore after and have been very tired ever since. I can feel it 'working' so I have had some cramping off and on. I am a little nervous for tomorrow morning but also ready for this path. I am going to try to relax as much as possible tomorrow and thing positive thoughts.

Ultrasound

We went in the morning for our ultrasound to see my foliciles. There were two that were looking good but not quite large enough. We are giving them two more days to grow and then will take the medicine to make me ovulate on Saturday. They said that based on some of my sympotoms and things they have seen I will probably be achy for the next week - :( I am started to get excited but also trying to remain catious because we still have a long way to go. So, the next step will be on Saturday. I will post how that goes on Saturday/Sunday. Thank you again to everyone for your prayers and support - they help each and every day!!

Is it me that makes it more difficult?

Well, tomorrow we will see if the medicine I took is working as intended. If so, then I will give myself a shot to induce ovulation. That shot is not carried at most pharmacies. So, there is one by the doctors office or we can mail order it. Last week, I called both places to price the drug. Then let the doctor know we were going to mail order it. As of yesterday the mail order pharmacy did not have our prescription. So, I call the doctor and they sent it on over. I called the mail order place as we had to request it to be sent over-night because the doctor wanted to make sure we had it in time. Well, they didn't have the order. So, the doctor had to send the prescription back over (this is after many phone calls while I am in meetings at work ALL day). There has to be someone home to sign for the medicine so, I recruited my mother and she made sure she was going to be home from 8-3. When the mail order pharmacy tried to fill the prescription, the insurance denied the claim. Apparently when I called the local pharmacy to price the medicine, they filled the prescription. We ended up canceling the mail order and going with the local pharmacy as this seemed to be the way things were working out. When I talked to DH he said "maybe this is a sign". I really hope not!! When he said that, I was not even open to the idea that this was a sign that we are not supposed to be going down this path. However, what I have been praying for is to be open to God's will. I am not so sure I am anymore... I thought I was, but maybe that is just if His will is what I want. So, I have done a lot of reflecting and am working on being open to His will, just not sure I am ready for His will! I have been thankfully VERY busy not only at work but home as well. Work has me in 8-5 meetings for the majority of this week. The exceptions are going to a ball game tomorrow and a team cook out Friday. At home, it seems like there is always something we are doing, somewhere we are going... and I am thankful for that as I have not had too much time to dwell on where we are at. I know that at some point I will have to face where we are, but I am just waiting until we have more answers to cross that bridge.

Wonderful Weekend

This weekend was so wonderful and complete with my first sunburn of the season. Friday started us off with at relaxing night at home enjoying family time. My wonderful DH knew I was not feeling well from my fertility medicine and gave me some time alone to relax (and I didn't even have to ask - he just knew). My mom, DH & DD all went to the parade & carnival here in town on Saturday. As we got out of the van, we saw my cousin, his wife and two girls and his mom (my mom's sister) and his dad. Our DD is 8 months younger then his oldest and 8 months older then his youngest (so they are all 8 months apart - confusing, I know). It has been a while since we have spent time with them and it was wonderful to watch the girls play together. I know that God was looking down doing his planning and putting us in the right spot at the right time!! After the parade, we went over to the carnival and enjoyed the rides!! The smile and laughter on the Tea Cups with DD and DH was worth the sick feeling from all the spinning around. I do NOT like heights, so DD went on the Farris Wheel with my cousin's wife & daughter. Here smile did not fade from that all weekend!! After a long day in the sun, we went home and all took naps. Some friends of ours asked us over for pizza so, we got up and went on over (even the dog!). They too have two daughters so our DD was LOVING all the play time she was getting in over the weekend. Today her best friend from school had her over for a 'play date'. She had a great time....

As for the medication. It has taken it's toll on me. I have had headaches as a side effect and have an upset stomach most of the time. The mood swings have been in full effect as well. I think it has been a blessing that we have not only been busy but surrounded by loved ones to help ease the moodiness. Tomorrow is the last pill of this crazy medicine and I hope that with it goes the side effects (even though I know it could take a couple of days for it to be out of my system). We go in for an ultrasound on Thursday (this tell us if the drugs are working and monitors me to make sure we are not going to have multiplies) and then we will find out what the next steps are. I know I have been quite on here as I am not always sure what to say. Again, your love, kind words and prayers are comforting beyond words. We love you all!!

Here we go...

So, we are starting our new plan this month. I started taking my new medication this morning. There are a few side effects, some of which I have already noticed. I had my first 'hot flash' this morning already and now remember why I didn't like them last time I was on medication. I am excited to start this journey and pray that we will be open to God's will through all of this.

Thank you everyone for your kinds words of encouragement. I know you don't always know what to say but it feels good knowing you care.